Monday, July 12, 2010

Hyperbole and a Half: My dog is retarded


A lingering fear of mine was confirmed last night:  My dog might be slightly retarded.
I've wondered about her intelligence ever since I adopted her and subsequently discovered that she was unable to figure out how stairs worked.
Not only is training my dog outlandishly difficult, it is also heartbreaking.  She wants so badly to please me.  Every fiber of her being quivers with the desire to do a good job.  

She tries really hard.    

But when turning her head at an extreme angle fails to produce a life-altering epiphany, she usually just short-circuits and rolls on her back.  
I found a dog IQ test that looked fairly legitimate.  It involved testing your dog's ability to solve a few very basic problems, like figuring out how to get out from underneath a blanket. 
I threw the blanket over her and started my stopwatch.  She made some cursory attempts at freeing herself, but as the seconds ticked by, it became clear that she was not going to pass.

I put the biscuit under the cup and started the timer.  
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